Things I've learned about Woman this Valentines day

[Your_Typical_Mental]

1. Months of active flirting, winking, compliments, long meaningful conversations, abnormally long moments of direct eye contact and attentional but in any other circumstance unnecessary body contact. All of which instigated by the woman means NOTHING.

2. If you suggest the two of you see a movie she'll wants to see and she excitedly says yes, and that shes available on one of two days. But if you text her a day later to iron out the details, she'll bluntly say she's 'too busy'.

3. Even if you fix her laptop, as well as show how she keep it from slowing down. And do a better job then her techie ex boyfriend did. That's not gratitude she's showing you.

4. Don't gave a woman whose had a troubled past with relationships and a history of health problem a half dozen roses/carnations and chocolates (which I admit now was epic overkill) and think she'll recognize the sincerity. She'll only say your weird.

5. doesn't matter if you can be funny as hell and a gentlemen at once.

6. Seriously, no more than a week ago we meet at a bar with another friend and we talked for hours. And she was playing with her hair and laughing at my stories and focusing more on me and several times we caught each other looking into each others eyes. Her dad and brother dropped by at the end and I had a good conversation with them too. Did that evening amount to nothing too her.

Vipers, All of them, vipers...

[Ripskin]

lol.

[Grassman7z7]

Merry Valentinzakwanzmas (http://regretfulmorning.com/2010/02/10-accurate-friend-zone-rage-comics-for-v-day/)

[SheriffPony]

http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/niceguys.shtml

[Levi]

Elevator by Michael Ian Black

You're in an elevator with a pretty girl. As the doors close, you both reach for the same button. When you do, your fingers brush against each other. A graze, no more. She smiles, embarrassed, and looks away. Well, well, looks like you're going to the same floor. A shared destination. Kismet?

The two of you are alone. As the elevator begins its ascent, your mind races. Stealing glances at her from the corner of your eye, you wonder how to speak to this delectable creature. What can you say to bewitch her as much as she has enchanted you? The words, when they come, are perfect. "Same floor, huh?"
A breath. The scent of lilacs as she turns to you. Her response fills you with delight. "Huh?" she says.
You waggle your freshly waxed eyebrows at her and nod mischievously toward the elevator wall. "Same floor. You and me."
Her dappled eyes go to the button, the only button lit, and she says, "I guess"
"Indeed," you say with confidence. You have made contact. It is now only a matter of time before your bodies are entwined in divine rapture, perhaps in this very elevator, or perhaps in some dim alcove on the floor above. The floor that the two of you share. The floor that you race toward even now.

A breath. No more than a breath before she turns to you and says, "There are only two floors."
And so there are. She is magnificant. Beautiful and brilliant. From what star did this golden light first emerge? Accross what vast distance did it travel to find you here?
She continues, "So obviously we're going to the same floor."
But angels were not meant to be captured so easily. She clearly likes the chase. And so, chase you shall: "It wasn't obvious to me," you say, as you let the tiniest dribble of tobacco juice slide out of your mouth-just enough so that it catches the light dripping into your plastic drip cup.

"Listen asshole," she says, "this hospital only has two floors. The ground floor, and upstairs where I get my fucking chemotherapy."
She starts crying. And coughing.
You ride the rest of the way in silence. It is a very slow elevator.

[SATAn]

I told you that this courting business was a bad mistake, bitchez don't want some shy nice guy who will bend over backwards to do anything for them

[Your_Typical_Mental]

The one thing I manage to take from all this is I channeled my anger into an more insane workout, or as I call it 'hatecerise'.

[Grassman7z7]

Did you drink Haterade to replenish your electrolytes?

[Your_Typical_Mental]

I think you mean electrohates, Grassman. And yes, yes I did.

Thanks for the link Sheriff, I'm definitely printing it off. But what I like to know is how the fuck do you NOT come off as a Nice Guy. I mean, I know you can't call her a fat bitch and tell her thats how you like them* and then slap her ass, But I can't say a nice thing about her and not look like a pansy?

*For the record I don't like fat bitches, they remind me of myself.

[Ripskin]

Depends on how you do it, not every girl wants to be overly fawned over and idolized. But they also don't want to be put down and feel distant from you.

Going slow and treating it like a friendship slowly working up the romantic stuff might work better. Going overboard with lots of flowers, chocolates and gifts when you have only known the person a short while might come across as pushy or desperate.

Be yourself, take it slow and go with the flow. If the woman does not like you for you, why be with her?

[Laggy]

What Rip said, you don't have to compliment them every step of the way. Just a small compliment every now and then like "Nice shoes" "Nice *insert material possesion here*". And try not to act desperate, give her something to work for.

[SATAn]

I think you mean electrohates
I'd say hatelectrolytes

I know you can't call her a fat bitch and tell her thats how you like them* and then slap her ass

You actually can, and you'd be surprised how much more ass you'd get doing that than you will being a total fucking pussy and wasting your money on them.

*For the record I don't like fat bitches, they remind me of myself.

haha, you called yourself a fat bitch

[super77]

Hey guys, I sent my girlfriend flowers and she really liked them and I had a grea.... Oh... uh... Wrong thread. D:

[Grassman7z7]

My lady gets mad at me whenever I spend money on her (Especially if she doesn't get to cover half.)

I forgot that Electrolytes are for plants. I meant electrohates.

[Your_Typical_Mental]

Going slow and treating it like a friendship slowly working up the romantic stuff might work better. Going overboard with lots of flowers, chocolates and gifts when you have only known the person a short while might come across as pushy or desperate.

Y'know what I actually had the forethought in my head to take it slowly and casually, especially since we're coworkers. I even intentionally excluded the word 'date' regarding the movie thing. Then I blew casual's brains with a sniper rifle, I shouldn't of given her anything.

[SheriffPony]

Buddy, it's one thing to take it slow and casual, but it's another thing to not make your intentions clear. It's fine to go out and use the word date. In fact it may be better because it defines what the occasion is. No one is left wondering whether or not the other party is interested or if it's only a friends thing. Just be clear, ask someone out on a date and don't act like you only want to be friends otherwise that's all you will be. Don't be afraid to make a move and strike out, it happens to every guy who's not in a relationship a majority of times. That's life. Just define what you're interested in and go after it.

[SATAn]

rent a prostitue, maybe that will help you get over your anxiety

[Fraggles]

I'm just wondering Mental, do you have much in common with the lass?
I think it's a common problem with people new to romance that they idolize somebody they hardly know based solely on looks. We all like somebody who pleases our eyes, but honestly the important thing is who they are. I've dated heaps of handsome guys that I decide I hate after about a week, and then it's a whole messy debacle to extricate myself from the relationship.
You shouldn't play relationship games at all. If you're interested in getting some tail like Satan is talking about, then I'd suggest being nasty more than nice. If the girl is smart she'll crack onto your intentions instantly and just laugh as she walks away, but most people are dumb as a rule, especially women in the impressionable late teen early twenties stage of their life. They respond to the jerk effect with the desire to gain your attention. So you'll likely get them trying for your affections. (in before sexist jokes)
However, if you're looking for a relationship, be yourself. Try not to be so insecure, because nobody is going to love you until you appreciate yourself. Or you're insulting them by saying their opinions are wrong.

You need to love yourself, or you're getting a boost of self esteem from them, putting waaay too much pressure on them to keep you happy/belittling their opinions.

No mind games. Be yourself. Treat her like you'd treat a mate, because a good steady relationship is based on a great friendship. If you keep parts of your personality from her and be somebody you think she wants you to be, it'll slip eventually when you grow comfortable together, and maybe she wont like those parts. Those relationships end the WORST. You come out of it feeling like you're worthless. It's horrible.

It's also very unlikely that your first couple of relationships are going to be fantastic. We need to make these mistakes in the first place so we can figure out who we are with another person. Some people are just lucky and meet their perfect match straight up.

[sputgop]

Buddy, it's one thing to take it slow and casual, but it's another thing to not make your intentions clear. It's fine to go out and use the word date. In fact it may be better because it defines what the occasion is. No one is left wondering whether or not the other party is interested or if it's only a friends thing. Just be clear, ask someone out on a date and don't act like you only want to be friends otherwise that's all you will be. Don't be afraid to make a move and strike out, it happens to every guy who's not in a relationship a majority of times. That's life. Just define what you're interested in and go after it.

Listen to this advice. Definitely make your intentions clear. If not by specifically asking a girl on a date, then by casual flirting. If you spend months and months just being friendly and going out on non-dates, you are MOST LIKELY going to be seen as a friend and not a romantic interest. And then if you bust out flowers and chocolate she'll be like ??? :confused: WTF.

Not saying relationships can't blossom from friendships, because they can and definetly do. However you will be much better off clearly communicating your interest early on, instead of assuming things like "She made prolonged eye contact with me! That means she's into me!" It is easier if you actually ask and know as soon as possible if she's actually interested or just wants to be friends. It's not like you can't be friends with a girl that doesn't want to date you. Thats what happened in this case, but you just didn't find out until now.

And don't assume that because things didn't work out with this girl, that ALL GIRLS ARE LIKE X, Y, Z . That's an unhealthy attitude: not only does it make you seem like a jerk but it does nothing to help you because all girls are different.

[Milesprower]

Welcome to Phlorph, relationship advice, it's what we do!

Jokes aside, listen to what everyone else says here, and then throw it out the window. Then run outside, pick it back up, dust it off, and take a look at it again before throwing it back on the ground and stomping the ever-living hell out of it.

That'd be my silly way of saying take everyone's advice with a grain of salt. People can give you all the advice in the world, you can't magically expect to believe every attempt at any sort of relationship will work out as you planned/want it to. So you were a bit over-zealous and she wasn't interested, it's not that bad. As a teacher once said to me, "Build a bridge and get over it." There's plenty of women out there, and I'm sure eventually you'll find one that's right for you. Or like Satan said, pick up a prostitute, maybe get rid of some of that anxiety or something. Raging about being denied and claiming all women are heartless vipers is a pretty lame thing, and being bitter at all of them because of it isn't exactly the way to go.

Cheers mate, it ain't the end of the world, eh?

[SATAn]

and quit trying to date your co-workers

[Your_Typical_Mental]

You know who your friends are on the web when their first instinct is to aid you.

Thanks for the advice, guys. I've taken it all too heart.

Here's a status update. After a awkward hour of intentionally avoiding her at working I received a call from an mutual friend asking me what the hell was going on (I guess my attitude made her concerned enough to reach him). After being told to pull my head from my ass I was then confronted by her and ask why I was mad at her. Long story short, she REALLY was busy Sunday and Monday, and I over reacted. We're back to normal now, I realize now I hurt her, but I'm touched by how quickly she forgives.

One odd slip I heard from her, she asked me whether our mutual friend called me, she said even he was interested in keeping to two of us together.

[SATAn]

jump in her dumper

[Your_Typical_Mental]

Let me change careers first.

[coll9947]

a decade ago I was that guy trying to be every girl's best friend, never getting any action, always being upset and whatnot. then i went to college and watched a total asshole sleep with any girl he wanted in 15 words or less. now i'm somewhere in the middle.

make your intentions known asap. the friend zone can only be avoided in the first 24 hours. however most of the time, and this is totally shallow for both sexes, attraction and the willingness to date are almost completely determined by appearance. if you get shot down, move on to the next one. there's 3 billion women on the planet, odds are the one you're hitting on isn't the one for you anyway.

nothing important should ever be handled through text.

ask more questions to her than you talk about yourself.

women spend time thinking about their appearance, most will appreciate when a man spends even a small amount of time thinking about theirs. a form of empathy. plus lookin good is awesome.

in a bar/party situation, you don't have to be the coolest guy in the room, just don't be the dumbest, because the dumbest will make you seem that much cooler.

don't be negative, petty, passive-aggressive, jealous, etc etc. if you are any of the previous then your relationships will fail anyway. Zen yourself out.

and stop trying to date your co-workers! :)

[Zervun]

jump in her dumper

2nd'd

[Your_Typical_Mental]

I'm not stupid, Super. I've watched tv, I know work relationships don't go down well.

[Laggy]

lol.

[sputgop]

haha what

[SATAn]

I don't have cable so I miss out on far too many life lessons :(

[Milesprower]

Because T.V. is a prime example of where to learn information about relationships.
What's next, Mass Effect and Dragon Age teach us how to have conversations with women?

[SheriffPony]

I have all my conversational and relationship advice from mass effect 2. I open with paragon by asking about her day, and when I get bored I quick time renegade and grab her but.

[Milesprower]

Garrus told me he wants to relieve some stress, I told him I'm down, because Garrus is a hottie.

He's so kawaii~ ^_^

[Fraggles]

You guys are doing it all wrong.
I get my relationship advice from Sexy Beach 3.
If you aren't rubbing lotion on her bare breasts on the second date, you're doing it wrong. ;)

[Milesprower]

No way, that's cheating!
That game is a "dating" sim!
Because you know, it accurately simulates dating...

[Fraggles]

It accurately simulates a Japanese mail order bride. =)

[Milesprower]

I didn't know the Japanese did that.
Who the heck would want one of those? It'd be all...asian like.

[Fraggles]

Come on man, there's a lot to be said for Asians. They make some fucking awesome food and they are known for their weird kinky sex. So what better wife is there to be had?

[Milesprower]

One that isn't five foot nothing with A-cup breasts.
Oh, and the Asian bit.
I don't likes me the Asian women, probably because I'm Asian :(